5K Training Continued

Thought I would post an e-mail sent to me by my daughter this morning. I think this says it all, male or female!! Enjoy, more on actual training tomorrow!!

     Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, I purchased a week of personal  training at the local health club. Although I am still in great shape since  being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a  good idea to go ahead and give it a try.

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal  trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics  instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim  wear.

Friends seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The  club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.

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MONDAY:

Started my day at 6:00 am. Tough to get out of bed, but found  it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting  for me.

He is something of a Greek god-- with blond hair, dancing eyes, and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed  watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my  workout today. Very inspiring!

Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut  was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was  around.

This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!

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TUESDAY:

I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the  door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air  then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but  I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel  GREAT!

It's

a whole new life for me.

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WEDNESDAY:

The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush  on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or  stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot.

Christo was impatient with me, insisting that my screams  bothered other club members. His voice is a little too perky for that early in  the morning and when he scolds, he gets this nasally whine that is VERY  annoying.

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Christo put me  on the stair monster. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate  an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Christo told me it would help me  get in shape and enjoy life. He said some other shit  too.

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THURSDAY:

Asshole was waiting for me with his vampire-like teeth  exposed as his thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't  help being a half an hour late-- it took me that long to tie my shoes.

He took me to work out with dumbbells. When he was not  looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. He sent some skinny bitch to find me.

Then, as punishment, he put me on the rowing machine-- which  I sank.

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FRIDAY:

I hate that bastard Christo more than any human being has  ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny,  anemic, anorexic, little aerobics instructor. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat him with it.

Christo wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any  triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn  barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich.

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and  nutrition teacher.

Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama  coach or the choir director?

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SATURDAY:

Satan left a message on my answering machine in his grating,  shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing his voice  made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the  strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours  of the Weather Channel..

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SUNDAY:

I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I  can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year  my husband will choose a gift for me that is fun-- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!